


Lionhearted

by captchaluff



Category: Tales of Vesperia
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, dont worry. it gets better. eventually, raven is still in a bad bad situation though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 03:11:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11865450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captchaluff/pseuds/captchaluff
Summary: Raven, Schwann, whatever name he uses- he doesn't deserve to live. It's not like anyone even cares.Raven finds someone who cares.





	Lionhearted

Raven passes over a bridge every day when he walks to work. He doesn’t have to; technically, going around wouldn’t lose him much time. He doesn’t want to, either; he’s always been bad with heights and this bridge is at least 15 or 20 feet above the river. He feels queasy just thinking about it.

He doesn’t have to and he doesn’t want to, but he still does, every day. Because when he forces himself out of bed, when he looks in the mirror to see a face that has never quite looked like himself staring back, he thinks: “Maybe today I’ll finally jump.”

He never does. Every day, though, he thinks he might.

There are days, sometimes even weeks, where he thinks it more out of habit than anything else, and crossing the bridge feels like an accomplishment rather than a burden. Other days, his feet get heavier with each step, and he looks over the edge and imagines the fall. It might not even hurt, if he lands right. One last moment to regret all his life decisions, and then-

“Good morning, Schwann” Alexei says as he passes Raven’s cubicle.

“Good morning, sir,” Raven hears himself say.

“How is your article coming along?”

“Don’t worry, sir. I’m working on it. Got inspired by your speech the other day.”

Alexei just makes an affirmative noise and continues to his office. The sound of the door closing behind him makes Raven flinch, a little.

Right, the article. His last piece barely got any views, so this one has to knock the ball out of the park if he wants to stay on his boss’s good side. Maybe something controversial, something scandalous- instead of promoting Alexei, slandering his competitors? That’s the only way to get viral these days.

Great, got the concept down. All that’s left is to write it.

Raven stares at his computer screen for a whole ten minutes before giving up entirely. See, this is the problem with the whole job thing- Raven feels like he just isn’t cut out for it. He’d quit if he could. He isn’t even a good writer; all he’s good at is annoying people and getting second chances at life that he doesn’t deserve.

On his way back from an altogether unproductive day at work, the little voice in his head says “jump” just as he reaches the bridge.

“No,” he replies. Just walk away, Raven. You’ve done it so many times before.

“Who would miss you?” the voice says back. Raven can’t think of anyone but he tries to keep walking anyway.

“Just do it, you know you’re gonna kill yourself eventually. Why not now?” Why not now?

He doesn’t remember walking over to the edge, or leaning on the thin railing. The night breeze is cool on his skin, and the artificial river gurgles like a baby’s laughter. Everything is calm; he is calm.

He can feel his heart beat in his skull. Ironic, since it isn’t even his. A fake man with a fake heart. He leans forward, trembling-

“Repede, wait!”

-and turns to see a blue mass hurling towards him. The world spins for just a second.

He wakes up a few moments later on the ground, and his head hurts like a bitch.

“Hey,” an unidentifiable voice says, “you okay, old man?”

“I’m 35, kid,” is what he tries to say, but it doesn’t come out right. He only has the energy to hold his hand against his throbbing skull and groan a little.

The voice- a man?- yelps. “Holy- Hold on, I’ll call an ambulance.”

When Raven draws his hand back it’s coated in blood, which is less distressing than it probably should be. Instead he’s much more concerned with the word _ambulance_. It takes him a second to process, but once he sees the man pull out his phone it clicks.

“No,” he says, “No hospitals.”

“I can’t just let you bleed out in the middle of the road!”

Raven thinks he can feel tears in his eyes just thinking about- about the lights- the smell- he can’t do this, not again, why won’t God just let him die already- “Please,” he begs, mustering all his energy to sit up and tug at the man’s clothes, “Just- please.”

The man gives him a look of pity, looks at his phone, and then back at Raven. When he talks, he does slowly, like he’s speaking to a wounded animal. “Alright, no hospitals,” he says. He doesn’t put his phone away, though. “I’m gonna call a friend of mine, okay? She can help. Until then we need to get you somewhere safe and get you bandaged up.”

“Mm.”

Raven falls asleep on the man’s back. His hair is long, and soft, and easy to lose himself in.

* * *

 

He wakes up in a bed he doesn’t recognize. It’s dark and it’s warm and it smells like heaven. His first thought is, holy shit, I actually killed myself and this is the afterlife. He even sees the ghost of someone long dead, hair cascading around shoulders as they stir a pot on the stove.

“Casey?” he murmurs, his throat so dry he can barely recognize his own voice.

The figure turns, and either Raven’s eyes are going bad or that isn’t Casey. “Sorry, old man,” they say in a voice that definitely isn’t hers.

He can barely even process all the shit that happened in the last few hours- his head, the bleeding, this guy carried him on his back like a toddler holy shit- before the front door swings open.

“Yuri!”

A girl in hospital scrubs and bubblegum pink hair rushes in. Her voice is strained and raspy, like she’s been talking all day, but she doesn’t so much as stop to clear her throat.

“Yuri, what did you do to this poor man?” she says as she rummages through one of those medical bags Raven’s seen on TV.

“I didn’t do anything!” The man (Yuri?) defends, “It was all Repede.”

“Repede couldn’t hurt a fly, and you know it.”

A blue-gray dog barks; it looks suspiciously like a wolf.

“You’ve never seen him catch one in his mouth, Estelle. He’s vicious.”

“Of course. Can you sit up?”

Evidently, Estelle found whatever she was looking for, because she stops her banter and puts a gentle hand on Raven’s back to guide him from laying to sitting. It makes him dizzy.

“Careful,” she says, and he can hear a bit of a giggle in her voice, her hand is still warm on his back and this small exchange is still the most human interaction Raven thinks he’s gotten in years.

He thinks about that while Estelle tells him to follow her finger and checks his pulse and a hundred other things doctors probably do all the time.

“Yuri,” she says after a while of this, “I think he has a concussion.”

“Of course he does, I’m not an idiot.”

“So you remembered to disinfect the wound?”

“...Point taken.”

Estelle puts some rubber gloves on and removes the bloody bandages around his head, treating the wound more gentle than Raven thinks he deserves. “Sorry if this hurts,” she says as she dabs something at his forehead. It does, but it makes him feel human for once, and it’s a small price to pay.

Estelle leaves with a smile and a treat for Repede, who doesn’t so much look her way when she tells him to sit. She gives it to him anyways, though.

“Hey,” Yuri starts when the door closes, “I’m really, really sorry about all this. It was my fault for not keeping an eye on Repede, and I’ll... make it up to you. Somehow. I promise.”

The dam finally cracks; messy tears roll down Raven’s face and onto the thick comforter. He hopes they don’t stain, not when this stranger has helped him so much already.

There’s a hand on his shoulder, strong where Estelle’s was soft. Raven feels for the first time that he’s glad he didn’t kill himself, if just to experience this moment, this emotion.

“Come on, old man,” Yuri says, keeping his hand firm on Raven’s shaking shoulder, “Let’s get you home.”

 

Raven doesn’t have the heart to admit he doesn’t technically have a home to go back to. He prays that Yuri will drop him off and drive away, get out of his life before he starts to have hope again. Hope leads to disappointment; hope makes him look for answers he’ll never find.

They pass his alley. “Here! Right here!” Raven yells, and the Vespa skids to a halt in front of a Wonder Pizza.

Yuri takes his helmet off and looks at the sign skeptically. “Your name Wonder or something?”

“Nah, it’s-” make something up make something up “-Raven.” Dammit.

“Estelle said no work for a week, remember?”

It’s almost touching how much this kid worries about him when they only just met. “Don’t worry,” he says, “It’s not like I work here.”

Yuri’s watching him. Unfortunately Raven was banned from Wonder Pizza a few months back after an unfortunate dumpster-diving incident, so walking in like he lives there is out of the question. And he can’t exactly claim that the office building next door is his house. So he has no choice; he lets Yuri watch as he walks down the alley between the two and climbs into his tent. With any luck, Yuri will stop being such a good samaritan and let him sleep.

“...So,” Yuri says, because of course he followed him in, “You live in a tent.”

“Yep.”

“And you’re just gonna chill in here 24/7 with a concussion.”

“Of course.”

“No air conditioning, no shower, there aren’t even any books in here.”

“Sounds about right.”

“That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Raven is actually starting to get a little angry at how nice this kid is. Doesn’t he have his own problems? Why does he care so much about some old dude he picked up off the street that doesn’t want to live in the first place? Raven wants to start yelling, to get violent, anything that’ll scare this kid away and keep him alone and miserable like he should be, but he feels his heart race and he has to calm his pulse down or he’ll have to go to the hospital, which he really, really does not want to do.

So he grips at his chest, takes a deep breath, and says, “You got a better idea?” Which has just the right amount of passive-aggression that gets his point across without giving himself a heart attack.

Yuri crosses his arms. His legs are already criss-crossed on the ground, so all he needs is the apron and he’d look like a kindergarten teacher. “You can stay with me.”

...what.

“At least until you feel better. Come on, gramps,” he says, “It’s late, I’m tired, and I’m pretty sure you’d die if you slept here tonight. No offense.”

Raven’s tired too. He hasn’t had a decent meal in over 24 hours, his head still throbs every now and again, and his heart jumps at the thought of staying with someone who actually kind of cares. It’s very, very tempting to give in, and Raven has never been very disciplined.

The only thing he takes with him is his heart medication, just in case he feels like living again.

**Author's Note:**

> so i spent a week in california with my family and this emerged out of pure depression and boredom. Usually when i ventwrite it turns into something dark and miserable. This time it turned out to be something actually kind of sweet that i think i'm gonna roll with.  
> The title comes from the porter robinson song bc i'm a sucker and i thought it fit  
> thanks to Scout for betaing!! love u sis  
> i am always open to constructive criticism if you have any


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